A World Of My Own
by Maryannah
Summary: Clarissa Morgenstern is a Shadowhunter, who was raised by her mother and Luke. She was training hard to kill demons all her life. But she never met any other Shadowhunter before. Her mother doesn't count. She one night goes to Taki's where she meets the Lightwoods, who show her a completely different world. A world her mother had hidden from her.
1. Chapter 1

**Clary's POV**

I was running as fast as I could, never looking back. As soon I felt that I was far enough from the apartment, I stopped to take a breath. I was dressed in the Shadowhunter fighting gear, which made me look, as my mother would say, striking. The only things I had with me was a blade in my purse, a wallet and a book. Anger was fading, but not quickly enough. My mother had told me that I must not contact other Shadowhunters. She told me that I'm not like normal Shadowhunters with all my abilities and that if the Clave ever found out about what I could do, or that I'm Jocelyn's daughter, they won't hesitate to use me. My mother always talked about the corruption of the Clave and how they hate my real father.

My mother never lied to me, so there was no reason not to believe her now. But I still felt lonely, not having any friends, always training, studying, reading books in all sorts of languages, doing chores or generally having no fun at all. I wanted to see in what ways I was different. I always felt that something was missing from my life and my mother did not understand that.

I decided to finally go to Taki's, since it was dinner time and didn't want to return back to the apartment so soon. After I ordered her meal, I opened my book and started to read. The book was really interesting. After a while, my order came and I continued reading and eating. I almost didn't notice that a group of Shadowhunters came entered. I didn't really pay much attention to them. I just focused on my book. But I think they saw my marks because one of them walked up to me and said

"Hi. New in town? I haven't seen you around here before."

My mother said to avoid telling crucial information to Shadowhunters, or in fact avoid socializing with them. But in this case, that was not an option.

"Who's asking?" I say, a little too harshly, but the boy just laughed.

"Well, you could see, if you just looked up."

"Kind of busy here, if you can't see." He laughed slightly again and slided into a chair in front of me.

"So, new in town?" He asks again and I don't even look up to him.

"No, I've been here all my life."

"What? How's that possible? The Clave would have known-"

"The Clave doesn't _know_ anything. They are corrupted. Some of the members are working for Valentine. They are still loyal to him and the Clave is not to be trusted." I snap at him, still avoiding eye contact. He only laughs and comments

"Wow, somebody has trust issues." I roll my eyes. He stretches his hand and adds "I'm Jace Lightwood. A Shadowhunter. Just like you."

"Don't need to state the obvious. I'm not blind, you know." I tell him, for the first time actually looking at him. Oh. My. God. He is striking. Drop dead gorgeous. I slide my hand into his, shaking it. "I'm... Clarissa."

I hope that he doesn't notice that I didn't tell him my last name. Morgenstern. Like Valentine.

* * *

_Sorry, I decided to keep this chapter short, but I promise you that the next one will be longer and MUCH more interesting :)_


	2. Chapter 2

Jace and I talk, but I don't tell him much about myself. It's too dangerous.

"So, what do you do in your free time?" he is asking me some normal stuff, trying to get me to tell her more about myself.

"I play a guitar, a piano and I like drawing and painting." It's true. Plus, I write songs, but he don't need to know that.

"I play a piano, too. How good exactly are you?"

"Oh, I've only been learning to play a piano since I was four. No big deal." I answer sarastically and he laughs. We both eat, but look at each other, too. His eyes are as bright as a sun. He's stunning. His eyes light up every time he smiles. I push my hair behind my ear. They are straight. I straightened them, otherwise I would have soft curls and I wasn't going for that look today.

"Why haven't you visited the Institute? I mean, if you lived here, why not?" How can I answer that?

"I have my reasons."

"And what would those be?" he asks curiously.

"Those would be, and I quote: 'none of your business.'"

Jace laughs. I raise my eyebrow at him and ask "If I may ask, what's so funny here?"

"You." he barely says. I roll my eyes. Since we both paid our food, I am free to leave and I do so, without turning back. My purse is in my right hand and I feel something grab my left hand. I turn back to see Jace behind me.

"What do you think you're doing?" I spit at him. I am angry, because I want them to leave me alone already.

"I didn't mean it like that." I reply that I know, and I explain that I'm not comfortable with him asking personal questions so I was going to leave sooner or later.

"Why are you shutting everybody out?"

"I have my reasons." I tell him, again. We stare at each other, when he finally says that he needs to show me something. I follow him just to find out that he's taking me on the roof of a huge building. He sits down and motions me to do the same. The view of a city is beautiful. There are lights everywhere. Jace starts saying how he loves the city at night. That's when it actually comes to life. Of course, the demons come out of their shadows too.

"My father was killed." Jace says out of the blue. I say nothing, so he continues.

"My father was killed and I don't know my mother. I live with a family of Shadowhunters who adopted me. Maryse and Robert Lightwood. I have a brother and a sister, Alec and Isabelle."

"Why are you telling me this, Jace?" I ask him. I can see that his eyes are soft and there's something in them. An expression I can't quite read.

"Because you haven't told me anything about yourself. And maybe, somewhere deep inside, I'm hoping that you will, if I tell you about myself. Because I want to get to know you Clarissa."

"I can't, Jace."

"Please." he asks me. I took a deep breath and say "There's one condition, okay?" he nods. "You can't tell anybody about me. Nothing. Whatever I tell you, it stays between us. Understand?" he nods again, just as I take a deep breath... again.

"I've been living here with my mother, who is a Shadowhunter. Luke is a werewolf, but he is just like a father to me. We lived here and I trained to be a Shadowhunter, but my mother doesn't want me to be in actual contact with other Shadowhunters. Happy now?" I ask him.

"Why doesn't your mother want you to know other Shadowhunters?"

"Because... We are hiding."

"From who?" I look at him and turn to face him. We are both sitting.

"Promise not to tell anyone?" he nods and I say. "Swear it. By the angel."

"I swear by the angel that I won't tell anyone anything about what you said today." I take a deep breath in and decide to tell him.

"My mother and I are hiding from Valentine."


	3. Chapter 3

"What?" Jace asks me. His eyes are full of confusion. I have told him enough about myself. I know it's dangerous and I know I shouldn't have told him anything but honestly, I don't care. It feels good to tell someone something you've been holding in for a long time. But it's probably not the best idea to tell it to someone you barely even know.

"You heard me. I won't repeat it and you swore not to tell anyone. Jace," I say and look at him very seriously. "If you tell anyone, I'll deny it and you'll put my whole family in danger." He nods, shocked, surprised.

"What does he want from you? Why are you hiding?" he asks me. I don't want to answer his question.

"I can't tell you. I've already told you too much. Maybe I should go. Forget I told you anything." I say, take my purse and get up. I don't turn around, but I still hear him calling. I'm already running down the streets, hiding in the shadows. I take a shortcut home, making sure he doesn't follow me. When I get home, I see my mother pacing across the room when she finally sees me.

"Clary!" She yells and runs to me. As soon as she reaches me, her hands wrap around me. She's crying. "Clary, I'm so sorry. I know I shouldn't have acted like that. Please forgive me. I just want to protect you."

"Mom. What's wrong?" I ask her. "Why are you crying? Is it because I left? Listen, I'm sorry. I know you're trying to help me and you're doing your best. I appreciate that. But I want to be normal. I want to have friends. I want to know what it feels like to be a part of something. I want you to undersand." I tečč, breathless. Tears escaped from my eyes. I'm stroking her hair.

"I was so worried when you left. I know you're trained to fight, but I still feared something will happen. And it's not that I don't trust you."

"I know, mom." I tell her. We talked it out. I was having a rough day. I was overreacting. And now more than ever, she needs me. I may have done something that will put us in danger. I need to be very, very careful. It's better if I stay inside for a while.

* * *

It's been days since I went outside. I'm trying to keep a low profile. Luke and mom aren't complaining and I'm not either. I spent all my time sketching Jace, but I never seem to get him right. By the end, I just ended up burning those sketches. I don't want anyone to find them, especially my mom. I started drawing the view from the roof instead. By the end of each day, it exhausted me so much that I fell alseep.

I'm sleeping right now.

_I'm walking through the woods enjoying the nature. I have my bow and arrow, two seraph blades, a stele and a knife by my side. Suddenly, I hear a noise. A branch snapped and it made me so alert, I pulled out my seraph blade and as soon as I called it "Azrael," the blade started taking its true form and it was shining beautifully. I began to get a bad feeling about this, so I turned around and started slowly and cautiously walking toward the edge of the forest. But I forgot which way I came from. I was so distracted that I forgot. I heard more noise and started running. I ran through the woods like my life was on the line. I thought that maybe I could get to Alicante if I hurry, but at the same time I knew that I'm lying to myself._

_Suddenly, a pair of hands wrapped tightly around my body. The hands were cold and its grip only tightened if I wanted to pull free. I recognized the pair of hands. And as soon as I recognized them, I knew what was coming to me._

_I saw Valentine. Smiling and walking towards me with a blade. And he slit my throat._

"Nooo!" I screamed as loud as I could. Tears rolled down my cheek, but I brushed them away. I sat up and took a few moments to take deep breaths. Then I went into my bathroom and washed my face. The same images kept flashing in front of me every time I closed my eyes. Valentine smiling. Wanting to kill me.

And as soon as I calmed down, I knew I had to go for a walk. I had to get rid of this horrible feeling.


	4. Chapter 4

I changed into a black ripped jeans which look badass on me, or so my mom and Luke told me, I put on white cold shoulder top and took a purple leather jacket with me just in case. My style can be from sophisticated to badass which is what Shadowhunters usually like, Luke told me. Then I put on smoky eye makeup and I don't bother to straighten my hair. My hair forms soft curls which look cute. I put on black high-heel shoes to match my jeans. I like to think of myself as a person who likes to be very bold. I took out my wallet and checked how much money I have. My mom and Luke are still sleeping. I leave a note on the counter telling Luke that I'm going to Taki's. Then, I took my purse, iPod and locked the door behind me.

It's around 5.30 and I'm going on a walk. By the time I get to Taki's, it will probably be 7 am. It's dawn. The sun is just rising and it's beautiful, but cold. There are a lot less people outside now than they usually are. I walk down some streets when I get to the my favorite place. It's a place with a great view of the sunrise with a see in front of me. There's a bench and I take a seat. The next thing I do is that I take my iPod and play a song called Love Will Remember by Selena Gomez. I fell in love with this song. I let my mind wander off a bit. I think about hands wrapping around my body, trapping me while Valentine walks to me.

I can see his face right in front of me. And I still feel as terrified. I'm watching the sea in front of me. The sunrise is as beautiful as always. I remember the first time I came here. And it makes me sad. How many times I wanted to feel normal, how many times I wanted to have a silly mundane life. I keep looking at the sunrise. The sun is higher and more beautiful. I decide to take a walk. I want to memorize it. My high-heels make it's usual sound which I had grown accustomed to.

I'm not glamoured so teenage boys, my age or older keep looking at me. There are more people walking down the streets and the city is slowly coming to life. I keep walking down the street with my earphones in my ears, and I keep thinking about my dreams.

It's the first day that I've been out after I ran away from Jace. Is it possible that he will tell my secret? I can't count on him. I need to get away. Far away from my mom. I could leave a note saying that I can't do this anymore. I could do something so that she would hate me. But even the thought of that makes my heart hurt. I can't do that. I just need to get away.

_But that's exactly what I've been doing in my dreams_, I think to myself. I've been running away. All my life, I've been running away from my problems. From Valentine, Jonathan Christopher (although he goes by Sebastian most of the time) and from seeing any Shadowhunters. I need to take a break.

Selena's song is on repeat. And I can't help but wonder what love will be like for me. All of those heartbreaks singers talk about in their songs, all those heartbreaks mentioned in the books. And it makes me think that maybe I'm not destined to fall in love.

Love will remember you and love will remember me  
I know it inside my heart  
Forever will forever be ours, even if we try to forget  
Love will remember

I'm on my way to Taki's. I open the door and as soon as I get in, I see Jace with his group of Shadowhunters. He doesn't notice me and I decide to ignore him. I take a seat as far away from him as I can. I sub-consciously run a hand through my hair. As the waitress (I never remember her name) comes to pick up my order I tell her that I want a smoothie and some coconut pancakes. They are the best. She collects my order and I feel my phone vibrating. I take it out of my purse and see that I got a text from Luke and I read it.

Hi Clary.  
Jocelyn and I will be gone a week. Jocelyn has some business to do and since I know that you're responsible enough, we'll leave you home alone. Watch out for the house. And there's some money in the bottom drawer if you ever needed anything.  
Love, Luke.

Before I read the text until the end, I ran a hand through my hair again. Then I replied simply with: Okay, love you both.

I put my phone in my purse and took out my wallet before my order came up. When it did, I paid it and continued listening to the song. I started playing with the tips of my hair. In the corner of my eye, I noticed Jace and his group of Shadowhunters watching me. I ignored them. Or at least I tried. I didn't look at them because I know that it would only mean that I know they're here. Instead, I continued eating my meal and playing with the tips of my hair. When I finished eating the pancakes, I decided to make a sidebraid. My hair is quite long. And sidebraids are so awesome.

And after I finished my smoothie I casted a quick glance at Jace's table but swiftly looked away. Nobody noticed. There are a boy with dark hair and a girl who looks like the boy sitting beside Jace. And then there's a warlock. I recognized him. Magnus Bane. My mother used to take me to him. To get rid of my nightmares. But it didn't work. It's like my "power" to have nightmares. I took my stuff and let out a frustrated breath. If only I can manage to get away from them and they wouldn't notice. But it will be impossible with my heals making sound. But we will see. I have to get out of here.

And I feel not just their eyes on me but also the other people's eyes staring behind me. I'm used to it. As soon as I get out, I take my earphones out of my ears and turn off the iPod. I put it in my purse. I did that because I need to hear if they follow me. But Shadowhunters are quiet. I know that from my own experience. Walking down a few streets toward the grocery store, I hear a noise behind me and I do turn. I see a demon behind me. Its ugly form spreading across the whole street, making my passage impossible.

"Seriously? You couldn't pick a better time than now?" I ask him but the demon only laughed and whispered to me:

_Valentine is waiting for you, Clarissa. You've been a very naughty girl._

Valentine. The name makes me dizzy. Just thinking of what he'll do to me. I can't breathe, but I somehow manage to keep my body from shaking.

"So, he finally found me. Good for him. I have a message for him. When he stops being a coward, tell him to come and look for me instead of sending his own little disgusting toys." The demon snarls and hisses and the next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor with the demon on top.


	5. Chapter 5

**Magnus' POV**

"Come on, Jace. You're going to eat this again? You're disgusting." Isabelle says, laughing at Jace. Jace just shrugs, his eyes wander around Taki's and train themselves on Kaelie. Jace and Kaelie occasionally flirt, but nobody knows if anything happened between them.

Meanwhile, Alec and I hold hands and he looks at me with those deep eyes and I can't help but feel so lucky I met him.

"What are we going to do about the whole Clarissa situation?" Jace asks us. A few days ago, he told us about a girl named Clarissa who is hiding with her mother from Valentine. He didn't say anything about where he got this information, he only told us what he knew. Maryse said that he should find her, but she was nowhere to be seen. I told them all that it's better they leave them alone, because if they search for them, not only will they destroy Clarissa's and her mother's life but they will start a complete new chaos.

Then, they wanted to explain how I knew them and what I knew about them. I only told they were my customers and that they both visited me every year. I swore an oath so I can't tell more. Of course, that was a lie, but they bought it.

"You better leave it alone, Jace." I told him.

"How can you say that? This girl might be in danger and has some secrets. She might know something about Valentine." Isabelle tells us. Since Alec agrees with me that we should just leave her alone he objects.

"First of all, what is your fascination over this girl, Jace? And Izzy, I doubt she knows something if she's hiding. And even if she did, what makes you so sure she will tell us?" Alec is very convincing but Isabelle doesn't give in.

"We can make her tell us." Isabelle says.

I see the door open and there she is. Standing tall and strong, Clarissa Morgenstern. But something is wrong. If you look closely, you can see dark circles under her eyes. Although I didn't see her notice us, I know she did. She straightened and walked to her table. Her fingers were grabbing the purse tightly and you can see that something was wrong. I can't help but admire her taste in fashion. She takes earphones out of her ears only to orders her meal, then she puts them back in.

"She's here." I tell everyone and nudge my head in her direction. Everyone looks at her, but she is on her phone. Replying to a text. Jace is staring at her. I can see that this isn't just some normal girl thing for him. I can somehow feel it.

"I know why you're so fascinated, Jace. You found yourself a new toy." Alec laughs at him. I don't bother to correct him. I don't think it's my "secret" to tell.

"We have to admit it, those jeans are fierce. And those shoes. And I love her makeup." Isabelle says. "I would so want to go to Pandemonium with her. She looks like she knows how to partaaay." We all look at Isabelle.

As if she's confused she asks "What? It's true." Then we all look at her again.

"You're staring." I tell them and they all look away as if they were embarrased.

"Do you think she noticed us?" Alec wonders.

"I'm sure she did. If there's anyone who's paying attention to details, it's her." I know that because I asked her to pay attention to the nightmares she has. She needed to pay attention to every single detail and she did. She paid attention even during the day. And it's because of this, I know how smart she is. I feel like I knew her really well. I knew her from when she was little. And imagine my surprise when Luke told me that they will no longer need my services.

She ate, made a side braid and played with her hair. Now, I'm the one who's paying attention. I missed her. I feel like we used to be friends. But of course, we weren't. I'm a warlock. Shadowhunters are like pets. Pets who are superior than you. But pets as in they're mortal and warlocks are not.

A few minutes later she got her things and left.

"I think we should follow her." Jace says.

"Why?" That was Isabelle.

"Because now that we found her, we can't let her out of our sight."


	6. Chapter 6

**_Did you guys see they released a full version of Colbie Caillat's When The Darkness Comes? This song will be in TMI! And now, I'm excited for Heart by Heart sang by Demi Lovato. Well, I'm excited for TMI! To see Jamie, Lily and the WHOLE cast! Who's with me? PLEASE FOLLOW ME ON ThatsSoLawrence. I switched my account usernames with ThtsSoLawrence so you might be following me on ThtsSoLawrence now. I changed it because I have problems on the other one. Twitter support is trying to do its best, but it doesn't help._**

**_Okay, go on and read the next chapter. Enjoy :)_**

* * *

As soon as I hit the ground, I get a headache. Not from hitting the ground, but from nightmares. It's different kind of a headache. And I need to get to my pills before I lose consciusness. And then I also remembered that I had a knife in my purse and if only I could get it, it would help. I hit the demon and there's a green liquid on my hand which can't be his blood because it would burn me. Maybe it was his saliva? Ugh, I'm so grossed out but I keep hitting him. The demon still moves, but I somehow manage to get him off me. I get up and take the knife, then I turn around and see the demon running to me.

Out of panic, without thinking, I throw the knife at him and now I'm hoping and praying for a solid hit. It did more than that. I hit his heart.

The demon vanishes. And I'm alone in the street.

"Ughhh." I say out loud looking at the green liquid that's slowly getting dry. I'm kneeling down to my purse and I take a tissue out of my purse and wipe my hand. Right after that, I grab my purse and stand up. And the horrible pain in my head comes back. I didn't take my pill the right time. I almost scream of pain and end up lying on the ground, unconscious.

* * *

I wake up on the soft surface of a bed. I can feel that but my eyes don't open. I feel weak. I hear voices talking. And there's one I would recognize everywhere.

Magnus Bane.

Like I probably mentioned, my mother used to take me to him when I had nightmares. And each time, I ended up unconscious on the floor of his appartement and waking up on his bed. And the next few nights were always painful. They included me screaming in my dreams and my mother and Luke trying to wake me up but I wouldn't. I was paralysed by the fear. I woke them both up for a night after night. The pain was awful and I felt like dying. Eventually, I refused to go to Magnus and my mom sent Luke to tell him what was going on. And what Magnus later figured out is that I can see the other dimensions and tthe dreams can also be my sixth sense. My dreams are my power.

My mother found some pills for the headaches. If I didn't take them, that would also result in me fainting. The headache disappeared but I can feel every muscle in my body telling me being here can't be good. I let out a moan and the voices quiet down. I open my eyes and try to sit up, but as my vision clears, I see Magnus standing by my side.

"Don't sit up," he says. "You need to rest." I take a good look at him. He is full of glitters and his cat eyes seem nice, but I know there's something hiding behind them.

"What am I doing here?" I ask him bluntly. After a few struggles, I do manage to sit up. I look directly to him, but I sense the presence of other Shadowhunters.

"You look like hell." Magnus says, and I half expected to be mockingly, but there's nothing in his tone that shows indicates any amusement. "When did you last get a good night beauty sleep?" I know it's weird hearing a man saying beauty sleep, but Magnus is far from normal. You would hear him say or see him do hundreds of unusual things. But you get used to it.

"Not in a long time." Honestly, I do feel like hell. I'm tired. I feel so exhausted and suddenly all I want to do is sleep. I let out a long, deep breath and Magnus looks at me sympathetically like he knows what I'm thinking, but I don't want anyone's pity. "What am I doing here, Magnus?"

He takes a few seconds to answer my question. "You've been attacked by a demon."

"I know _that._" I roll my eyes,

"And," Magnus continues, ignoring me. "You killed it. We all witnessed it. But then when you stood up, you screamed and fainted."

"It was really scary." says the guy behind Magnus. I didn't really notice any of them were here until he spoke.

"I healed you and-" Magnus tries to say but I cut him.

"You WHAT?!" I scream at him.

"I healed you. Just like I used to." Magnus says.

"You had no right to do that. You should've asked me first!"

"You were unconscious. What else was I going to do? You certainly weren't going to wake up for a long time. It's the right thing to do."

"No it's not!_ You have no idea what I go through everytime you heal me. You don't even realize how much you hurt me. Even dying seems mercyful._"

"You're overreacting." That was Jace who said it. I shoot him the meanest, most evil look I have and I can see his muscles tighten a little, suddenly alert. Like he has a feeling that I'm going to attack him.

I get up but get too dizzy and almost fall to the floor.

"You shouldn't stand. You're too weak." Magnus says.

"I need to get home. I need to warn my mom."

If it isn't already too late.


End file.
